Day 5 and 6 - Catching up on Day 7 -Honest, Open, and Willing

Hello Everyone! The last two days were really productive at work. Yesterday morning actually went well; I got myself and the kids out of the door without any anger or arguing. Everyone was on time and I spent a lovely, happy morning at the office working my way through a pile of work while a breeze blew in the windows. My air conditioner hasn't worked for several weeks and it's been wonderful to open windows and experience fresh air -- not a common occurence in the life of a sedentary city woman. In spite of the interruptions which I ignored for the most part, I just did 6 hours of uninterrupted work and then did meetings until 5 o'clock. And everything went well. The day ended on a very happy note with staff and I felt great!

For the last two days I was disciplined about food though I succumbed to a cupcake last night which made me outrageously hungry. Whatever gets triggered in my body re: sweet food, there are some things which are to me as forbidden as alcohol would be to an alcoholic. The number one problem is cold sweets -- popsicles, creamsickles and frozen candy bars. Something about them sets me off and I can't stop. Interestingly ice cream, does not impact me the same way -- though it once did.

There has been much discussion on various blogs about eating everything and forbidding nothing and during my first 85 lbs I bought 100% into that concept. But fructose corn syrup, any sugar syrup, are truly triggers of glycemic reactions in my body. I can go from stable to starving from eating a piece of whole wheat bread with high fructose corn syrup in it. Simple sugar -- a tsp. of granulated sugar -- has no impact on me. I have learned a great deal from those who seriously study and work with the glycemic index of foods and eat only those things which do not create any glycemic reaction in the body. Because the diet industry is so huge - billions of dollars -- there is no universal acceptance of the low glycemic approach to eating, except for diabetics. Interestingly, diabetic research shows clearly that obesity leads directly to Type 2 Diabetes. But I moderate my eating -- when I am on track -- and of course, the staying on track is everything -- to some forbidden foods. I knowthat if I add "anything" to my diet that I risk the problem of not being able to get back on the path. Because craving leads to craving leads to craving.

There is a blogger who posts food and is steadily gaining weight after an over 100 lb. loss. She is incredibly honest and she is eating a diet of sweets, and she is writing about not being able to stop. I believe -- and I have failed miserably -- that the key is in the daily discipline of eating well, eating deliciously, and eating nothing which has concentrated sugars in it. The same reaction occurs when I skip meals and get too hungry. I went to a night meeting/dinner this week having not eaten for 7 hours and I was so physically hungry that it was frightening. Lesson learned.

I ended the work-week tired. I'm convinced that exercise will help my energy level increase. One of my co-workers laughs at that because I have high energy from 5:30 a.m. through the day and get 9 hours of sleep at night. But I was tired -- I did activities with the kids last night and didn't go to bed until 11 and I woke up this morning at 9:50 -- I needed the extra hour of sleep and I feel really rested this morning. Now that I think about I was never tired during the week, except at 10 last night -- good, healthy, normal bodily fatigue -- the need for rest. I was happily and normally tired.

I started to beat myself up over not blogging for two days -- my commitment is to blog everyday, but then I realized that I have posted 17 times since I started and that is 17 hours of writing that wouldn't have happened otherwise and that I am writing and I am also aware and purposefully eating properly. "Progress not perfection" is a tenet of 12 step programs and it matters in this issue too.

It is heresy but I've never been convinced that food addiction is emotional eating in the truest sense, but that it is the result of a diet in a culture that is sedentary and fully physiologically addicted to foods which are designed to cause repititive and addictive eating. The obesity research tells us so much that we aren't able to manage as a society. It becomes a lonely, embarrassed, and singular battle. I had a meeting yesterday with a leader who battles with her weight and I said, "I used to weigh 285 lbs and lost 85 and gained back 30. I hate being over 200 lbs again." I was amazed that those honest words came out of my mouth. I thought about Sean Anderson tatooing his top weight on his arm so that he would never forget it. There is a branch of Overeaters Anonynous that is called OA HOW. HOW stands for Honest, Open and Willing. Powerful Acronym!

I remember in my childhood, when this began for me. I was pre-adolescent and the lunchroom lady used to give us white bread mixed with sugary peanut butter and honey folded over. And I would eat one and want, consistently, desperately, to have another one. It should have occured to me that such a reaction wasn't natural or normal. But of course I didn't understand at all. I didn't become obese until I was thirty years old, but I became addicted at about age 11 and it got worse. And then I went through the years of trying everything and failing and starting over and over and over. Food does comfort and sooth. But my body doesn't tolerate a number of foods which are omnipresent and desirable in our culture and which over stimulate me mentally and physically. Watching my 5 year old struggle with food reaction is an education which saddens and worries me. She joined me for a healthy breakfast this morning and she is acting delightfully happy and normal. We are what we eat -- that phrase is over-used and never truly thought about. I am what I eat and when I am eating foods which do not nourish and strengthen me, more that weight gain happens.

This morning I have eaten 2/3 cup of Alpen (the kind with no sugar) and 1/3 cup of Chobani Green Yogurt and a cup of coffee with skim milk. I'm going out with the children -- it is a glorious day -- and we are going to walk! I have workk to do this weekend, but first we go out and walk. We have an additional interesting things going on -- we are planning to go one week without spending any money except for gas. We are going to eat from our considerably well stocked kitchen and save all the money we might spend on doing the little indulgent things that add up to lots of money in a week. And we will see how that goes too. We will save what we might have spent. Financial indulgence is very different but also an addiction. We are going to make a game of it and use exploring the area as recreation -- it's too beautiful not to do that.

Do you realize how many bloggers there are out here is the blogosphere writing about weight loss and recovery? I can't even imagine. The number of people who responded to Shrinking Kenz blog asking where people were located was just marvelous and I want to look at all of their blogs. We are a community from all over the world.

Wishing everyone a wonderful Saturday and a day of delicious, really rewarding, and body-supporting eating! I work with a community leader who always says, "We can do this thing."